I'm Gonna Retire in Carmel-By-The-Sea

Life at Carmel Valley Ranch (and in my dreams)

Gimme 30 years and a few million dollars — perhaps I’ll need 30 of those too — and I’ll live the rest of my days content owning a cottage in Carmel-By-The-Sea, California. It’s not that I’ll never be seen again, but you’ll probably have to come to me, like how all of Oprah’s podcast guests happily trek to her Montecito estate. 

Carmel-By-The-Sea, population 3,104, is one of those fairytale towns that makes you question it all. You’ll see a new life for yourself after one stroll down a street dotted with Hansel and Gretel houses, all of which have names (Sea Breeze, At Last, Seventh Heaven) instead of numbers. Carmel Megan would open a bookshop in a secret alleyway — they’re everywhere in Carmel —and hang a hand-written “back in 10 minutes” sign on the door when I’m craving strawberries from the farmer’s market. 

For now, steer clear of Carmel Zillow. I wouldn’t want your daydream bubble to burst.

A few weeks ago Rob and I closed out an especially evil month by driving to Carmel for his birthday. From LA, it’s a five-and-change-hour drive, just long enough to indulge in one or two road trip snacks (Dot’s pretzels, sour gummy worms) without feeling sick. Thing is, both of us were already sick. I whiny cried when Rob politely posed the idea of staying home, not my most becoming moment, so we bucked it up with positive-as-could-be attitudes. 

As soon as we reached the lush mountains of Carmel Valley, though, we felt Whitney from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City “hilled.” Headache? What headache? Fever? Gone. Chills? Only from the overwhelming beauty.

We pulled into Carmel Valley Ranch and knew immediately that our two-day stay wasn’t going to suffice. Oh no, we’d need at least a week retreat in the summer. Maybe come back in the fall too, in time for harvest. Or how about…forever?

Carmel Valley is just inland from Carmel-By-The-Sea, the sunnier side of the Santa Lucia mountains. Longtime resident and former mayor Clint Eastwood overlooks the ranch from his estate. 

They weren’t kidding about the “ranch” part of their name either. Carmel Valley Ranch sprawls across 500 acres, which you can get a good tour of with a sunset ATV ride, which I highly recommend adding to your itinerary. I’m adventurous in the way that I bopped around Europe by myself in my 20s. I’m not adventurous in terms of hurling my body around, but even I found the wild ride thrilling. The sweet tour guide asked our bumpiness preferences, then handed us helmets and whipped us around the property’s gardens, vineyards, farm, and hillsides. Incredible.

Highlights of the property include: 

• Private tub on our suite’s balcony (!!!), from which you can hear critters crunching around the countryside

• In-room fireplace

• Infinity hot tub

• Four heated saltwater pools, which at 7:00 a.m. on a winter morning you’ll have all to yourself

• Miles and miles and more miles of hiking trails, though beware that mountain lions are a thing

• The house-made everything, from honey to cheese to ice cream

• Picnics with Pablo and Paco, their two Sicilian mini donkeys that’ll carry your lunch to a hilltop (mountaintop?) table, where you’ll once again question your life

All to say, Clint Eastwood got life right. We’ll be back in Carmel, and specifically Carmel Valley Ranch, soon…possibly for forever?

How to Dress Like You Live in Carmel

Madewell Darted Barrel Leg-Jean // Clare V Pot de Miel // Everlane Felted Merino Half-Zip Sweater // The Locket Sisters Silver Disco Ball Locket // Salt + Stone Bergamot + Hinoki Body Lotion // Blundstone Chelsea Boots

Blundstone Chelsea Boots: Carmel is quiet luxury — less Olsen twin, more Jennifer Garner. It’s not showy; it’s shh. There are a few requirements for dressing comfortably there though. It’s hilly with a lot of cobblestone courtyards. Unless you’re going to the beach, Blundstone boots are always a good idea.

Clare V Pot de Miel: Texture!

Madewell Darted Barrel Leg-Jean + Everlane Felted Merino Half-Zip Sweater: No matter the season, I’d layer cream on ecru on oatmeal on all the off-whites. Women in Carmel don’t worry about stains. Women in Carmel bring presents for their dry cleaner’s kids’ birthdays.  

The Locket Sisters Silver Disco Ball Locket: Minneapolis-based The Locket Sisters recently gifted me this disco ball locket, so now I’ll always have Rob and our pug near, as if I don’t already have the four-legged one on my lap at all times.

Salt + Stone Bergamot + Hinoki Body Lotion: Who could complain about a seaside breeze? Perhaps your hair and skin could. Stuff Salt + Stone’s hand lotion into your bag to solve one of those woes.

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Another day soon I’ll write a true travel guide for Carmel — where (else) to stay, to indulge in a two-hour lunch, to spend $5k on a painting of Brad Pitt. Anything you want Carmel-y advice on? Leave a comment or shoot me a note.

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