Easy Ways to Remind People You ❤️ Them

Why else would we be here

I question why we’re on this earth, volleying emails back and forth and suffocating the trees with concrete, every day. I don’t know the answer, and I’m positive you don’t either. While we’re here though, we may as well be nice to each other.

Here are a few ways I remind the people I love most that, well, I love them the most.

Be their biggest fan.
Attend their events, share their work, buy their art. Send them virtual high-fives, “proud of you” texts, clapping hands emojis. Take pleasure in their little victories. Being genuinely happy for someone else is a specific, endearing feeling.

Be there in the bad times.
I have a friend’s wedding anniversary marked in my calendar. She’s divorced. A simple “I know today may be difficult, sending love” sentiment goes a long way. I have an array of my friends’ hard days memorized: death anniversaries, wedding anniversaries of divorced couples, miscarried babies’ due dates. That way I can make myself available for however much support they want and need that day.

Don’t worry that you’ll make it worse. They haven’t forgotten, but they’re afraid everyone else has. Their grief is not a burden, and unfortunately it doesn’t vanish in a concise timeframe either, so consider marking these days as recurring calendar events. 

Show up.
Working in a restaurant will teach you almost everything you need to know about life, including how to anticipate people’s needs. They’re going to want a serving spoon with the branzino dish, or bring Molly a sample of the Sicilian wine first because it’s going to be too tannic for her, or it looks tense at table 23, so give them a minute.

How can you anticipate your loved ones’ needs? Show up before they ask. FaceTime them when you sense they’re lonely. Drive their kid to a ballet lesson so they can have an hour alone. Bring a serving spoon with the branzino dish.

Speak their love language.
My love language is to cuddle on a couch, talking, kinda, but quiet is nice too, and ideally there are Negronis, Triscuits, and (with the right person) make out sessions involved. That’s a tired Taurus’s ideal combination of quality time and physical touch. I know that’s not everyone’s ideal evening though. 

While your love language may be words of affirmation, theirs could be acts of service, and how you both tend to give love could be other categories altogether. I mostly crave one-on-one sessions (quality time), but am more inclined to dust someone’s baseboards (acts of service) and shower them in my god, you’re so cute (words of affirmation). What they may actually need is a good hug (physical touch) and a few hours with you in front of a puzzle (back to quality time). Anyone who says gifts is their top love language can get outta here.

Be present.
Put your gd phone away. Look them in the eyes. Send them surprise mail. Leave them voice messages. Save their voice messages on your desktop. Remember to ask how that doctor’s appointment they were nervous about went.

Use simple words.
I love you. I miss you. You’re the best. Have I told you lately how grateful I am for you? So glad we met.

Listen.
I once dated a man for over a year, and during our breakup I asked him what my mom’s name is. He didn’t know. He didn’t know because he didn’t ask. He also didn’t know because he didn’t listen when I told him no less than a dozen times.

Ask questions. Tough ones, silly ones, hypothetical ones. Know the story of their first kiss, how they got that scar on their finger, that they’re allergic to crab but not lobster, and how they feel about their stepdad.

• Brandon, age seven, in his grandparents’ basement. (Harold and Nancy. They were so nice.) He was pretending to be drunk—this was Wisconsin, remember—and forced himself on top of me on the couch. I pushed him off.

• I was very depressed, not in my right mind or any mind at all, chiseling out a chunk of too frozen ice cream with a knife. A spoon wasn’t sufficient. The knife slipped through the ice cream carton and also through my index finger. Eight stitches.

• No allergies, though the results of a $300 blood test told me not to eat almonds or beets anymore. I still eat beets. Almonds, not so much.

• When I was in high school, my stepdad would leave hand-written letters— front and back, multiple pages—on my pillow detailing how much of a terrible person I was. I was sweet and sad and a 4.0 student and simply trying to survive amongst adults who used me as a pawn in their petty arguments. He’s dead now.

Know what makes your loved ones tick. Then the next time they need a pick-me-up you can surprise him or her with a bouquet of yellow dahlias or a bottle of that sparkling Lambrusco they like so much or a bag full of Arby’s roast beef sandwiches—whatever you know is special to them because you listened.

Tell them.
Often. In all kinds of ways. Smother them in love because one day they’ll be gone and I promise you’ll never regret telling them you loved them too much.

Slip the server your card when they aren’t looking.
Self-explanatory.

Have I told you lately how much I love you all? I really do.

<3,
Megan

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