A Poem Based On Some Truth

How much, I can't tell you

I wanted him to remember my mom’s name 
and wonder why I winced on Third Street

He wanted me to parade 
~whatever we were~ 
to the nameless and faceless
strangers on the internet
and I was like but why, it’s fake

He wanted to blame me
and I let him 

I wanted to never give his keys back again
so much for that

He wanted the south of France 
who doesn’t!
I preferred tiramisu and Trastevere

I wanted our last time
not to be on an air mattress
but for a summer, fall, and winter
until he texted how are you
that Thursday night
the last time we fucked
was on an air mattress
and I resented how cheap that felt

I wanted to believe he wouldn’t leave
but he always left
they always leave

I wanted Sunday mornings in bed
and spontaneous drives to Jackson Meadows
and for him to tell me that story again

He wanted not to do this anymore
right now
or ever?
can you believe that
I told him never ever
do this to anyone else
it is so disrespectful

I wanted him to ask why I was sad 
and forgive me when I couldn’t tell him

He wanted to run 
I wanted to cling

I wanted him to cry over us
like he cried during the movie Lincoln
which he’d seen three times before

He wanted
I don’t know what he wanted

I wanted him to make one last round of Negronis
before he ruined the month of July
because neither of us trusted each other to stay.

—

Be well,
Megan

<3 <3 <3

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